I was upset for a while thinking I was a one-hit wonder in the fanfiction world, when I finally got the constructive criticism I was hoping for last night. I KNEW there were things I was doing wrong. My reviews couldn't have possibly dried up by coincidence. I resolve now, to work twice as hard as I did before, and if anyone actually read my self-pitying dreck last night; disregard it.
To add five more songs at least, to my soundcloud page. To fall in love with a guy who doesn't have his head up his ass, therefore living his life realistically. To lose 20 lbs by the end of the year at the latest. To get my green belt in Judo(the martial art I finally decided on training in) before my 32nd birthday. The fact that I've gained more skills in nunchaku freestyle proves that I've more dexterity than I've given myself credit for in the past. I've also lost eight pounds these past few months. I can start losing more. Eventually I'll be back to 110 lbs, and hopefully have a flat stomach. I also plan to have my bass fixed finally. If I can lower the pickups, which allows me to lower the action, I can concentrate on better right-hand techniques(I'm left-handed, so my right hand is the one that presses down on the strings). I'm loving Judo. The leverage aspect of it is empowering for a small person like me, just like Brazilian Jiu-Jutsu. However, Judo a fraction of the cost of BJJ. The classes are a fraction of the size of most BJJ classes. If 90% of fights go to the ground, I'll be covered in a couple years if I continue to train regularly. I'm trying to find online lessons in solo drills, and I ordered a book that shows the basics of both throws and ground-fighting. It likely won't arrive until after my next two classes have taken place, but I've got patience.
I write this entry that nobody will read to reveal what has been happening for the past few weeks, and how incredible I'm feeling. I was your stereotypical depressed loser, getting high all the time, living off of junk food, semi-employed, living with parents who treated me like a teenager. Feeling like I was being shit on, jealous of my friends' independence. Then at the start of the year, I decided to purge myself of controlled substances. When that happened, I discovered that there were a few problems with one of the medications I was on. I worked with my doctor and psychiatrist to wean myself off of said prescription. Not one week after, it was as if I'd had a grand epiphany. I stopped eating crap food, and began taking advantage of two huge perks that my place of employment had: free healthy food, and free use of their fitness center. I also began researching schools in my area that teach self-defense, and narrowed it down to two schools that I'd like to attend. One is a Kung Fu school, and the other, a Brazilian Jujitsu dojo. I'd like to start off with the Kung Fu school, and then after a year add BJJ to my training. However, what I want to do first, is ensure that I'm up to it, by setting a goal: to lose 20 pounds, develop strength in my arms and legs, and be able to touch my toes without bending my knees. I see no problem with such a goal. It's not like I want this done by next week. Late May or early June is fine with me. Exercise every day, keep avoiding cheez doodles and other shit. Find a good series of daily stretches. Eat baked chicken, brown rice, whole wheat pasta, salads, apples, berries, and other good-for-you stuff. I've already been at it for weeks. I wanted to post this goal on my facebook page, until I started seeing visions of people stupidly warning me not to go "too far" on my diet, as if it would turn into a stupid after-school special on eating disorders. Or having my co-workers making idiotic "karate jokes" in response to my desire to do martial arts. I'm dead serious about all of this, and don't need idiots pissing me off. But here's to continuing to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Cheers, salud, kampai.
Dating is fine and dandy, until the boyfriend proves himself to be useless during a crisis. So, we're done. Besides, I want children, and he doesn't. Case closed, eh? :/ I'm trying to save up some money to move closer to where I work, preferably in the same town. I'm spending way too much money on gas. That needs to stop. I've quit partying, drinking, and smoking. Can't afford that either. Neither can my brain cells. The fan-fiction is stirring within me again. I'm half-way through my FF7 alternate timeline saga. Two more big stories, and then an epilogue that will be about a few chapters. Then, whether or not I finish the Persona story, I will retire from fan-fiction. :) All of my favorite authors are MIA, anyway. It's not as fun anymore.
I can tell this is going to be another sleepless night, not because I can't sleep, but because I don't want to. Work is okay. I didn't get the promotion, but might be getting a raise come January, so here's hoping. Still with the boyfriend. I greatly enjoy the man's company. He is the only person I know who's actually thoroughly enjoyed watching "Zero Day", so he understands my dark side. Not just by enjoying a dark movie like that, but many other dark aspects of my life. It's always the misanthropes I fall for. Despite my friendly, albeit sleepy-eyed demeanor at work, I'd just kinda rather be alone in my spare time, when I'm not with my boyfriend anyway. I created a SoundCloud page showcasing my music. https://soundcloud.com/fireminstrel This is what I want to do with my life. To have this music appear on various games one day. Nobuo Uematsu was 36 when he worked on Final Fantasy 1. I figure I've got six years to catch up with him. :P
I've been seeing a guy, whom we'll call "E", for the past month. He's cute, my age, and has an incredible mind. When you can sit around with a guy and talk for hours and hours, walk around town holding hands, and impress him with your knowledge of trivia at the local bar's "trivia night", well, let's just say I'm having a lot of fun. Monday is my 30th birthday, and I'm hoping for a double-date with one of my best friends at the park, and maybe bring my golden retriever as well. A full-time position opened up at work, complete with benefits. As soon as it goes up on the school's website, I'll be applying for it. Hopefully I'll get it, and I'll have a whole new batch of opportunities ready. E runs a website, which hosts Chiptune music. That's 8-bit sounding music, for those of you who don't know. I've uploaded one of my own original tunes on here, and I'll create more and more. Aside from turning 30, this summer could potentially rock!
I hate when the college shuts down at the end of each semester. It means I'm not as needed, and therefore, have to deal with a horrible lack of money. Thus, the best I can do to entertain myself is take walks, mess around with the computer, or on my PS3. In other words, this minstrel's bored for the next couple days until I go back to work. I need to call J and let him know that I've met another programmer. Neither of them have cars, however. Guess who will have to provide transportation??? >_< I saw the doctor about my insomnia, who prescribed trazodone, even though I'm not depressed. Whenever I have to take some kind of medication, I always call it "milk-plus", since I always down it with a glass of milk, and I love "A Clockwork Orange".
I spent hours talking to my friend M on Facebook tonight. Tomorrow after work, I'm going to hang out at his place and watch a movie. Then on Tuesday, we have plans to go running together. I don't run, so that probably won't be pretty, but if I'm going to lose the 20 pounds I gained last year, I have to start somewhere, sometime. I have a lot of fun talking to, hanging out with, and jamming with M(he's a terrific pianist and horn player). He's quickly becoming one of my best friends. We've known each other since high school, but we never actually hung out back then, outside of musical endeavors that were part of the school curriculum. I think we both regret that, but we were both very shy back then. He was too shy to try and make friends with me, and I thought he was really cool- too cool to possibly want to hang out with a dork like me. This is why I'm glad to be an adult now. People talk about wanting to be a teenager again, but honestly, teenagers usually don't have as much wisdom and reasoning to get through all the social bullshit that exists in life as adults do. We actually became friends about five years ago, when I moved back to my hometown. He recognized me on the street one day, and was really happy to see me. I was kind of surprised, as like I said- I didn't think I was even a blip on his radar, outside of playing well together in school musicals and such. But apparently, he'd had a secret crush on me the whole time we knew each other in high school, and ironically, he thought HE was too dorky for ME to want to hang out with HIM. On a whim, we drove over to the river, and sat on the dike smoking and catching up. I remember when we parted ways, both agreeing that we'd had fun hanging out together and that we should do it again. Over the years, we'd run into one another and hang out and have fun, usually having a drink and/or a smoke, or playing music together. It was always platonic, since we were both seeing people. Now that we're both single though, and since he moved in with one of my best pals, we've gotten a lot closer. Long conversations, watching movies, and even the occasional fooling around. I see how each of us have been striving for self-improvement over the years. We've been succeeding as of late. What will the future bring for us? If things do take a romantic turn, I hope the both of us are mature enough to see this thing through, at 29 and 27, respectively. I want to be excited, but I've had my heart broken a couple times in recent years already, so the cynicism in me prevents me from feeling excited. I guess I'll just say I'm feeling hopeful, and kinda nervous.
My ex-drummer suddenly wants to hang out and stuff. Wonder if he's interested in me suddenly? Either way, he'd be a great addition to my "Gods Of War" cover. So would M, actually, though I wonder how he'd work out as far as harmonizing goes? I'm good, instrumentally, but I need vocals. Wonder if this site is any good for posting projects? Tomorrow would be a great day to work on the pre-chorus to that song. Then I only have to copy and paste the verse. Maybe I should stop by downtown Noho and pick up some more guitar strings, unless I wanna swap my hands and use the left-handed guitar. Sadly, even though I play left-handed bass very well, I suck at left-handed guitar. Maybe I'll just bite the bullet and play lefty everything. Decisions, decisions. Wonder how much money my next paycheck will bring in since I took two days off to recover from my cold? I hate being sick. I'm about 95% better. The only thing malfunctioning is my sense of smell. All of my favorite foods smell awful. :( Time to settle down, change into my jammies, and get some sleep.